1. Just snap out of it.

It’s not that easy. The only thing I can snap out of right now are my jeans. Because I’m living in my jammy pants and eating my feelings.

2. I think you’re just hungry.

Duh. I’m always hungry. Quit reminding me.

3. If I were you, I’d be depressed too.  

With friends like this, who needs a basket of kitties? I DO!

4. Here, have some heroin.  

No thanks. I graduated from the D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) Program back in 1992 and Officer Kavolowski would be so disappointed in me.

5. You should start a blog.

NO! Moody Gurl already has enough competition

6. Things could be worse.

Yeah, I know. But right now I’m in the midst of a crippling depression that feels like a Honda Civic  is parked on my chest. And inside that Honda Civic are all of my friends, eating burritos that they refuse to share with me.