Would you like your coworkers to leave you alone?
Would you like to get fired so that you can start collecting that sweet, sweet unemployment cash?
Well then, here are 6 things you can do to achieve your crazy cube jungle goals.
1. Lay on the conference room table and start hysterically bawling your eyes out during a very important meeting.
2. Eat your co-workers’ lunches. When lunch time rolls around, race them to the office refrigerator and then eat their lunches in front of them.
3. Reply to all of your emails with:
Dear Less Important People,
I’m the boss, apple sauce.
See you in court,
4. Use the restroom outside of the stall.
5. Refer to your boss as “Mom” and then repeatedly yell, “You never show me any affection! I bet you’d hug me more if I was vodka!”
6. Build a wall out of donuts at the front entrance of the building. When anyone tries to enter, ask he or she to recite the United States Constitution. If he or she is unable to do so, they are an American and are free to enter. If he or she is able to recite it, they’re clearly not a real American. Order them to “Back up off our diabetes and go back to where you came from!”