Who Died?

The phone is the ultimate frenemy to those of us with anxiety.

When I was younger, I had a love/hate relationship with my landline. Love – because like any kid/teen I loved talking to my friends and secretly 3-way calling boys to see if they liked me. Hate – because I had a stuttering problem and had an almost impossible time saying any words beginning with B or D, which made it unbelievably difficult to call my best friend, Desiree.

I also had a hard time calling any boyfriend I had whose name also began with the 2nd or 4th letter of the alphabet. I once got dumped by a guy who’s name started with D because he said, “You don’t care about me. You never call me.” I wanted to scream, “I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT I LITERALLY CAN’T!” However, I was too embarrassed to admit that my stutter was stunting our “love” so instead I went and found a guy with a name I could easily say – Paul.                                         My new bbbbbbbbbbbbboyfriend, Paul.


Now that texting has replaced talking, when anyone calls, I go into serious panic mode. If they leave a voicemail, I’m paralyzed with fear. Horrible thoughts swirling in my head. I always assume the worst. I get the voicemail notification on my phone and I immediately think, “THEY MUST BE CALLING TO TELL ME THAT EVERYONE I’VE EVER MET IS DEAD. IT’S THE END OF TIMES. WHY GOD? WHY!!!!

Moral of the anxiety story: Just do the right thing and TEXT.


  1. So very much yes to this! I’ve thankfully never had a stutter or such, but I just hate talking on phones. I’ve heard other comedians have something in their set, half complaining, about the prevalence of texting replacing talking, thinking, and sometimes saying to my TV like a crazy person, “Your point?! This is a good thing damn it.”


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