I was once single and attempted to write an eHarmony profile for “fun.” Because other single people told me that’s what you do. So here’s what I wrote.
My eHarmony Profile:
Fun gal with a lot to say. Bring your listening ears because I’d love to call you repeatedly throughout the day until you finally answer so that I can go into great detail explaining to you why I’m mad at a certain girlfriend (which girlfriend varies from week to week). I am extremely sensitive and moody, but very good at Tetris. I have adult ADHD and enjoy reading the first 25 pages of many different books in the same day while jumping from cushion to cushion on the couch. I love animals and waking up multiple times each night to make sure the oven is turned off. Even though I have an electric stove, one can never be too careful when it comes to gas leaks. I’m very loyal and avoid red flags. I’m willing to overlook your infidelity for up to eight years so that I don’t have to kill bugs, cook for myself or live alone. I love animals and watching myself cry in the mirror. I’ve been told that I look most attractive when having a panic attack and am willing to share my meds. For a good time, call another girl. For a mediocre time and someone who will be tweeting throughout the date, call me. The End.
Needless to say, this didn’t elicit any interest, which ended up being good for me because I found someone offline who appreciated the whole emotional truth. 🙂